Cordial Connections

CORDIAL CONNECTIONS

Life is pleasant when people are cordial, warmhearted and friendly. Cordial hospitality is generally considered a home-grown thing . . . I have you in my home, or you have me in yours. But there are many more options.

Hospitality is an ancient custom that is still important today. Nomadic people were quite hospitable. If strangers turned up at their tent door, they were expected to feed, shelter and protect them.

Open Hospitality

In our society nomadic people may turn up at missions and soup kitchens. Hospitality is offered there, along with a cup of kindness to refresh both body and soul.

In English movies, like Jane Eyre, I’m fascinated by the hospitality shown to guests arriving at a huge estate. They were welcome to stay for weeks in rooms prepared by the staff while cooks prepared food in abundance.

In spite of small homes and no servants, old west ranchers and settlers with barely enough to feed their own families did not shrink back. Strangers were welcome to share the beans and cornbread or a kettle of soup and homemade biscuits.

I enjoy cordial connections. Sitting across the table from one person is as fulfilling as serving a dinner to six, eight or ten.

The holidays this past year provided an unexpected form of hospitality. My husband’s health precluded going out of town to be with family and friends, so they came to us.

Cordiality Includes a Smile

Our Goddaughter drove several hundred miles to be with us for Thanksgiving. Then my sister-in-law and brother came up from Phoenix for Christmas Day. Each of these ladies have a heart for hospitality and each insisted on preparing the holiday meal. Not only did we enjoy a lovely time together, but, as a caregiver, it was a day of rest. They even insisted on doing the clean up!

Easy access to restaurants and coffee houses offer other options for hospitality.

Food & Fellowship

For example, my husband had a friend who was housebound. Whenever he could visit, my husband would call and say, “I’m coming over. What can I bring you?” The answer was always the same, “A load of tacos.” He would then stop by the guy’s favorite fast-food place and be greeted with a smile upon personal delivery.

As I see it, hospitality outside the home offers three positives: (1) It allows you to focus on your guest, (2) you give of yourself as you pay the bill, and (3) fellowship over some type of food, no matter where or when, provides valuable time for personal connections.

Since hospitality is shown by a friendly or solicitous attitude toward people don’t hold back, no matter how meager the fare. The key is to offer it cheerfully and, according to 1 Peter 4:9, “without grumbling.”

If you’re not in the mood, don’t do it. But if you are, both you and your guests will benefit from your cordial connections.

Keep Looking Up

KEEP LOOKING UP

Sometimes I notice a lot of jet streams in our clear blue skies. They are fascinating because I can’t see the jets, just the white streams in their wake.

I once worked at a Christian company where employees could voluntarily attend a weekly devotional. One person each week would share a Scripture and life application.

When it was my turn, I was inspired to share Psalm 23:6. I grew up with the King James Version which says, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life . . .” Other translations mention mercy as kindness and love, but whatever the translation, one truth remains: You are being followed by two positive forces.

Jet Streams Show Power

While meditating on this verse I thought why would these two desirable things follow me? I would prefer them to go before me. It was then the picture of a high-flying plane with flowing white jet streams came to mind.

I understood that God in His power is carrying me through life every day. His goodness and mercy do their work on my behalf, then flow behind in visible ways to show He was there all the time.

God is always at work for good in our lives, but we don’t always realize it until we look back and observe the jet streams.

His power carried me through hard places in my life many times. I was sick and got well. I needed money for food and it was provided. I needed a job and got one. I desired a Christian husband and just the right man became interested in me.

At the time of my prayers, only the needs were obvious. But when God went to work and answered my prayers, jet streams showed up. I could see that God had been at work in my life all along.

I heard a pastor share a thought regarding a request from Moses to see God’s glory. God replied, “I will cause my goodness to pass in front of you . . . I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy . . . but, you cannot see my face” (Exodus 33:18-23). He then put Moses in a protected place until He passed by. Moses was allowed to see God’s back.

Enjoy the Afterward

The pastor explained that the Hebrew word for back means what has been. Strong’s Concordance explains it in similar fashion as the afterward, or what is behind.

We may not see God’s face, but we know when He has been at work in our lives. The afterward makes it easy to praise Him.

Sometimes, while looking at what is behind, we see clearly God’s goodness and mercy toward us. He helped us through tough times, and in the jet streams of His provision we find encouragement.

Keep looking up. You might be surprised at things which remind you, “God was here!” Enjoy your jet-stream view.

How Do You Spell "LIFE?"

HOW DO YOU SPELL “LIFE?”

Questions Need Answers

Some of you may remember a clever bit of advertising from the mid-seventies. It had people answering this question: How do you spell relief?

Whether their problem was acid indigestion or gas, each answer and spelling was the same: R-O-L-A-I-D-S.

I’ve been asking myself lately, “How do you spell life?”

What first comes to mind is C-H-A-N-G-E. I always thought I liked change, so why think about it now? After all, change has been part of my life since conception.

To Live is to Grow

I faced up to change through years of education and a variety of jobs. Then I dealt with change through unexpected health challenges. But, for me, the biggest change, came with retirement.

It doesn’t matter how you spell it, the interesting thing about change is our ability to adjust or adapt to it. 

When we were making a major move years ago, a friend jokingly said, “Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be broken.” Wise words in their own way.

The next spelling is my personal favorite: C-R-E-A-T-I-V-I-T-Y. I don’t have to wait for change, I can make my own.

Create With Color

Unhappy with the colors in the house? I can study paint chips and come up with some new tones. Tired of the furniture arrangement? I can experiment with moving things around. Need some new inspiration for meals? I can consult a cookbook, changing ingredients even more if I so choose.

The creative part of my life has varied. I took lessons in tole painting. It was so exacting I got a headache. I switched to oils and felt more freedom.

I took piano lessons but wanted to learn how to play the organ, so I taught myself. I enjoyed writing letters and sending cards, but decided it would be fun to write more.

Creativity developed as I took classes and studied books about writing. Interest deepened as I experimented with different genres. Short inspirational stories became my focus. It was satisfying to publish a collection of them as *REFLECTIONS: Inspirational Stories from Everyday Life.

There’s one spelling of life that we cannot avoid: R-O-U-T-I-N-E.

Seasons Bring Change

Since Creation there has been a routine of days, weeks, months and years. Imagine life without them. . . what a jumble. Cycles of sun, moon, and seasons change our lives, but we adjust.

These changes may challenge my flexibility, but the One who set them in motion is strong and steady.

The Apostle James wrote, “Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow” (James 1:17 NLT).

That’s why I spell life H-O-P-E-F-U-L.

Who better to understand the challenges in CHANGE, CREATIVITY and ROUTINE than the One who put LIFE in motion?

I’m hopeful because, in all of life, if we need the steadiness of His strength or the wisdom of His advice, all we have to do is ask (James 1:5-6).

*Available from BookLocker.com

Caregiver's Choice

CAREGIVER’S CHOICE

I Don't Ignore the Alarm

I reach over sleepily to turn off the alarm. Time to face another day. As a caregiver I don’t know what to expect; each day opens with different needs.

Sitting on the side of the bed I pray a silent prayer for God’s new mercies, love and faithfulness as promised in Lamentations 3:22-24. Then I’m off to splash cold water on my face and take care of personal needs before checking on the person who needs me.

My husband is now under hospice care which has been a boon to me. It’s nice to have some support from professionals who can give guidance and answer questions. Today was a day when I needed extra support and I got it.

Choices Bring Changes

Being a caregiver includes loss of personal goals. It’s my choice to care for my husband but his life has become my life. I have friends who will come and sit with him to let me get a break now and then, but care giving is basically 24/7.

To recover from loss of any kind, we must first acknowledge our emotions. We can’t just “suck it up” and keep going because emotions don’t just disappear. They go undercover and come out incognito. For example, resentment may appear as anger and bitterness as lack of forgiveness.

When I was a caregiver for my father, I discovered some negative emotions in my usually calm approach to life. The most surprising thing was my anger. Second in line was my resentment.

Oh, sure, I had grown up with the verse “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13 NAS), but I had never been challenged to apply it personally.

Flying Birds Look Free

My father’s need for a caregiver changed that quite quickly. In the two-and-a-half-years that I cared for him, I refused to be a victim. But if I was to be a victor I had to face up to my emotions as well as my thoughts.

Now as a caregiver for my husband I’ve had less anger and resentment because I’ve faced these challenges before. I can tell I’ve grown some, but I’m not perfect yet. Below is a poem I wrote while reflecting on my life as Dad’s caregiver:

CAREGIVER’S CHOICE

Darlis Sailors

I walk up a hill and sit down on a rock

It’s fun to look down like a bird in the air

Who flies where it will in space wide and free

Out here it feels calm, no one to talk or turn up the TV

No one who needs me

I close my eyes and feel at peace

I need this time, I need this space

Up here I feel free, like a bird flying high

With no drag on my wings to stop my flight

I breathe in fresh air and let go of my stress

A break from life, now back I go

Down to the house that feels so small

Back to the one who needs me

I’ve made a choice---while there, I will freely serve

Challenges Come to Everyone

Caregivers have several challenges. Being aware of negative emotions and letting them go is one. Finding time to rest or regroup physically, mentally and spiritually are some others.

But friends and family have a challenge, too. How will you show appreciation to the caregiver closest to you?

Another Year in the Dash

ANOTHER YEAR in the DASH

A New Year Sparkles

I’m living the dash and so are you, but I doubt that you think about it much more than I do. Days come, days go and we basically do whatever needs to be done. But let me tell you of a life well-lived.

At a memorial for a ninety-two-year-old lady known as Pearl, her brother remarked that when we die our date of birth and death are formally listed with a dash in between. I pondered this phrase: What that dash represents is up to us.

Dash  has several meanings, but the first that comes to mind is a short race. Time is just a small part of eternity; life on earth varies for all of us.

Pearl’s race was longer than some, but she ran it with faith all the way. Pearl means a pure heart. Onscreen a scripture was shared that described her: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God (from The Beatitudes, Matthew 5).

Living the Dash

Pearl’s dash included plenty of challenges. She was left alone as a newlywed when her husband was called to the military. He not only served but was a POW for several years.

Later, as a minister’s wife she faced challenges in moving to churches of various-sized congregations in several states. She was an active wife, mother and ministry helpmate.

Dash  can also mean a little something added. We who knew her would call that her sense of humor. Pearl could always be counted on for a joke or humorous anecdote. It was part of her zest for living.

I have mentioned some positive dashes, but there is also a negative one.

Have you ever had someone dash your hopes or enthusiasm? Not Pearl! She made it a point to keep her dashes on the positive side.

You could hear her “amen” loud and clear during the Sunday sermon. Even her handshake was encouraging as she gave you a firm grip, looked you in the eye and gave a welcoming smile.

Pearl was not a game player in relationships. She lived her life true to her own self, loving God with all her heart and shaping her decisions around His Word.

Having observed her way of dealing with physical challenges in her last few years, I must say that when I think Pearl, I think positive.

Now it's another year in MY dash. People are greeting one another with three little words: Happy New Year!

New Year -- New Options

New! Such a hopeful word. It suggests a fresh start, a chance to avoid making the same old mistakes. 

I’ve written down my resolutions many times, but not this year.

I have learned to approach the challenges of each new day with this affirmation: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning . . . therefore, I will hope in Him (Lamentations 3:22-24 NLT).

Happy NEW Year . . . another year in the dash. What is your approach to it?

4 Tips for a Merry Christmas

4 TIPS for a MERRY CHRISTMAS

In the last few weeks, I doubt you’ve heard anyone say, “It’s Christmas, time to get personal.” But personal perspective is what creates a merry Christmas. 

These four little things could make a big difference:

Release Expectations

           

Have people expected you to help fulfill their Christmas plans this year? How much time have you spent on your own personal goals?

Expectations are triangular. On one side they can be positive, filled with anticipation of satisfying events. But on two sides they can be filled with assumptions and requirements. 

Christmas is Personal

Sometimes they appear as traditions: We’ve always done it this way. There’s nothing wrong with that, but growth comes with change. Christmas, in all its colors, sights and sounds, should not be allowed to become routine.

This year escape the triangle in two ways: First, allow others to fulfill their expectations. Second, plan time to fulfill your own.

Expand Your View

Ask yourself, “What makes a merry Christmas for me?”

I’ve answered that question in many ways.

Community Christmas is Fun

In childhood it was the receiving of gifts. But as a young adult it wasn’t Christmas until I had baked and made candy treats to share outside our home.

Years later, my Christmas was merry as I attended a variety of community events.

There’s no single approach to Christmas. It’s up to you to make it personal.

Pursue the Positive

Don't Be a Loner 

Are you tempted to say, “Bah, Humbug!” in the face of someone else’s cheer? Are you the grouch that pooh-poohs the Christmas efforts of people around you?

Decide to be positive. Let others follow through on their Christmas goals and dreams. Then focus on your own, small though they may be. Not all changes need to be major.

Being positive includes respect for others. Civility is never out of style; it sets you free from a judgmental attitude. Negative energy can then be put toward productive personal goals.

Share Yourself

In a major big-box store last night, I was amazed at all the people checking out with baskets full of toys and gifts. They certainly shared themselves by expending personal energy. Some were still checking their lists.

Christmas Includes Variety

We can share by giving our time and/or our money. But we also share ourselves by putting aside personal prejudices and expectations in order to help others succeed.

Create a spirit of freedom for yourself and share it with others. A freeing thought is everything does NOT have to be done my way.  

But why be merry only at Christmas?

Giving produces joy. God’s gift of giving is celebrated when we sing Joy to the World. But God’s giving was not limited to one day, and neither is ours.

Be Merry All Year

John Greenleaf Whittier, American author and poet, put it this way: Somehow, not only for Christmas, but all the long year through, the joy that you give to others, is the joy that comes back to you.

You now have four tips for a merry Christmas. But don’t stop there!

They can also create a happy new year!

Your Words Have Power

YOUR WORDS HAVE POWER*

Help Comes In Many Ways

I've been thinking of seven little words spoken by a real estate agent nearly twenty years ago. He was not a big talker but he did his job well.

We didn't need all the space in the large home we had been renting, so we were looking to buy a small condo.

The housing market was tight, but we finally found a 2BD/2BA unit in a former apartment complex with older construction. This meant no sound barriers between unit walls or floors. 

Hopes Can Burst Like Balloons

We had moved to the area with high hopes. But my husband's employment opportunity had not turned out as expected and I was working temporary jobs, which I hated.

I guess my frustration must have been noticeable. We signed the papers, but not with joy. 

As the agent was leaving he simply said, "Things have a way of getting better." That was it . . . seven little words spoken quietly and calmly from a man we did not see again.

Words are interesting things. Even short and simple ones have inherent power.

Perhaps you remember chanting as a child, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." You didn't have to live very long to know that, though it was fun to say, in reality it was a lie.

Sticks and stones may break bones and we'll recover, but hurtful words can abide inside us forever.

I've worked with both children and adults who were timid and using less than half their awesome potential because someone in their past had said, "You're stupid. You can't do anything right. Get out of the way. You don't know what you're doing!"

Words With Negative Power

Negative words entered through their ears into their mind and spirit, playing like a cassette tape with automatic lifetime rewind.

Don't underestimate the power of your words. It's not just what you say, but also how you say it.

"You fat little baby," can sound harmless when said in a soft cooing way by a mother with smiling eyes. But the same words hold a different power when said harshly by a caregiver who is glaring at a little one in need of a diaper change.

Proverbs 16:24 in the Amplified Bible says, "Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body." 

Words, like bees, have the power to both sting and make honey. 

Bees Can Sting and Make Honey

Honeycombs are six-sided cumulative structures, built and filled cell by cell. From birth we are like honeycombs, holding on to what we hear from people around us. 

As adults we like to think that words can no longer hurt us, but let's be honest, they do.

Whether we are on the giving or receiving end, words have staying power. Sometimes we have the first word, sometimes the last.

The question is, "Will it be a sharp sting or sweet honey?" 

*This story is from my book REFLECTIONS: Inspirational Stories from Everyday Life--original title: Word Power; available from BookLocker.com)