A Day for Dad

The Bible says to honor your father and mother (Exodus 20:12). How do we do that? There are many ways, but how about these ideas for starters: Listening to them, respecting them, and showing gratitude for who they are and what they do 

I grew up as a PK, or "preacher's kid." In the professional world, Dad joined the Ministerial Association wherever we lived. But to me, he was a "pastor."

Pastor brings to mind pasture. Pasture brings to mind sheep. Sheep need a shepherd. Jesus said, “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me” (John 10:14). That was the type of relationship Dad had with people in his congregations.

Dad loved to study God's Word. In fact, I was blessed by his preaching from both the Old and New Testaments. 

I've heard people say, “You preachers have it easy. You only work on Sunday.” Not true. With Dad, ministry was twenty-four/seven.

Sometimes people came to our home, sometimes to his office. He went to them, too, through hospital and home visitation. He felt it was important to care for God's sheep in practical ways and everyday settings.

My life was greatly influenced by his consistency. Although compassionate to the wayward, he held himself accountable to personal principles. For example, his word was his bond. 

Before Dad passed away, I was his caregiver for two and a half years. I often saw him read his giant print Bible and get down on his knees to pray. This matched my childhood memories.

For the last three days of his life, he was in a hospice care center. My oldest brother sat by him most of that time. 

One day, while enjoying a cup of hot tea in a deli, I felt prompted to go home and get my Bible. I wanted to honor my Psalm One Daddy.

Standing close to his bedside, I said, “Dad, according to Psalm One, you are a blessed man. You have not taken advice from the wicked, but you’ve walked in the ways of the Lord as you’ve read and studied His word.”

“You may not have felt prosperous, but God met your daily needs. You have consistently produced spiritual fruit as you’ve shared God’s Word and prayed for people."

“And there are people in the churches you pastored who have continually loved the Lord and raised their families to do the same.” 

Then I read Psalm One out loud, but Dad never responded. Hospice says hearing is the last to go, so I believe he heard me. 

Dad died in 2012, but today is Father's Day, and I'm honoring my father by sharing this special memory. 

Pixabay: Ai Generated, Dad, Heart; GDJ.

Fresh Hope Each Day

When I became a caregiver for my father, I thanked the Lord for fresh hope each day. Upon waking, my first words were, “Thank you, Lord, for new mercies today.”

I was familiar with Lamentations 3:22-23 long before that, but now it was a life verse:

Because of the loving devotion of the LORD, we are not consumed,

for His mercies never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!

I took care of Dad for about two and a half years before he passed away. A few years later, I became a caregiver for my husband. I never knew what to expect from day to day, so once again, Lamentations 3:22-23 became my fresh hope.

Even now, it’s my wake-up prayer, though I’m no longer a caregiver. Why am I writing about this now? Because I had a refreshing look at God’s mercies in a Bible study this week, in Psalms.

Psalm 106:43-45 caught my attention. It was talking about the children of Israel, how God delivered them many times, yet they continued to rebel. They’re not the only ones. I’ve seen plenty of that in our day.

I stopped to meditate on Psalm 106:44-45. God chose to continue helping them whenever He heard their cry. He remembered His covenant with them and relented, or had compassion on them, according to the multitude of His mercies.  

I read about “Mercy” in my *Bible dictionary.  I started writing down thoughts of God’s mercies. Here’s my list, but you might think of more:

Answered Prayer/Salvation/Healing

Deliverance from Trouble

Provision, as needed

Love/Kindness/Compassion

Justice/Action on our behalf

Truth/Taught in Scripture

Fellowship/Eternal Life

No prejudice--Salvation for ALL

Restoration, as needed

Protection/Our Good Shepherd

Psalm 107:1 says, “Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His loving devotion endures forever.”

Psalm 100:4 reminds us to enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and bless His name.

Maybe these ideas will get you started.

*Mercy, pp. 1106-1108, Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary, Holman Bible Publishers, Nashville, TN, Copyright 2003.

Pixabay: Tree. Sunrise, Field image; rperucho.                                                                                                    

Caregiver's Choice

CAREGIVER’S CHOICE

I Don't Ignore the Alarm

I reach over sleepily to turn off the alarm. Time to face another day. As a caregiver I don’t know what to expect; each day opens with different needs.

Sitting on the side of the bed I pray a silent prayer for God’s new mercies, love and faithfulness as promised in Lamentations 3:22-24. Then I’m off to splash cold water on my face and take care of personal needs before checking on the person who needs me.

My husband is now under hospice care which has been a boon to me. It’s nice to have some support from professionals who can give guidance and answer questions. Today was a day when I needed extra support and I got it.

Choices Bring Changes

Being a caregiver includes loss of personal goals. It’s my choice to care for my husband but his life has become my life. I have friends who will come and sit with him to let me get a break now and then, but care giving is basically 24/7.

To recover from loss of any kind, we must first acknowledge our emotions. We can’t just “suck it up” and keep going because emotions don’t just disappear. They go undercover and come out incognito. For example, resentment may appear as anger and bitterness as lack of forgiveness.

When I was a caregiver for my father, I discovered some negative emotions in my usually calm approach to life. The most surprising thing was my anger. Second in line was my resentment.

Oh, sure, I had grown up with the verse “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13 NAS), but I had never been challenged to apply it personally.

Flying Birds Look Free

My father’s need for a caregiver changed that quite quickly. In the two-and-a-half-years that I cared for him, I refused to be a victim. But if I was to be a victor I had to face up to my emotions as well as my thoughts.

Now as a caregiver for my husband I’ve had less anger and resentment because I’ve faced these challenges before. I can tell I’ve grown some, but I’m not perfect yet. Below is a poem I wrote while reflecting on my life as Dad’s caregiver:

CAREGIVER’S CHOICE

Darlis Sailors

I walk up a hill and sit down on a rock

It’s fun to look down like a bird in the air

Who flies where it will in space wide and free

Out here it feels calm, no one to talk or turn up the TV

No one who needs me

I close my eyes and feel at peace

I need this time, I need this space

Up here I feel free, like a bird flying high

With no drag on my wings to stop my flight

I breathe in fresh air and let go of my stress

A break from life, now back I go

Down to the house that feels so small

Back to the one who needs me

I’ve made a choice---while there, I will freely serve

Challenges Come to Everyone

Caregivers have several challenges. Being aware of negative emotions and letting them go is one. Finding time to rest or regroup physically, mentally and spiritually are some others.

But friends and family have a challenge, too. How will you show appreciation to the caregiver closest to you?

Two Things That Add Up to Nothing

2 Things That Add Up to Nothing

I was leafing through my latest journal when my eye caught a scripture reference at the bottom of one page. It's a contrasting list of ten things that cannot separate us from God's love.

The Apostle Paul said he was convinced that neither death nor life, angels nor demons, the present nor the future, nor any powers, height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation would be able to separate us from God's love that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38, NIV).

Count the words in italics and you'll find ten things that add up to nothing. Nothing can separate us from God's love. But a couple of items there caught my attention this week.

First it was the word life. You've probably heard people say, "Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans." It certainly seems true in a care giver's life.

Professional care givers like doctors and nurses make plans to do their job well. Even home health care personnel come well-trained. But for the family member who is called upon to be a care giver it may seem like an overwhelming challenge. That's life!

Welcome Home

I found my husband's recent need for care overpowering at first. I was happy to have him home after nineteen days in the hospital, but he needed help day and night.

The only way to face the challenge was to adjust. Calendars and daily plans were cancelled and life went on from need to need. Family care givers recognize the challenges and encourage one another accordingly. I appreciated the kudos, but inside I fought a hard battle.

It was strange to see my husband so incapacitated. No one could say how long it would last, or if he would ever improve. I'm normally quite positive, but I found myself fighting pessimism more often than I wanted to admit.

That's when I thought about the phrase nothing else in all creation is able to separate us from God's love. That includes emotions. The Creator God knows we are emotional beings.

Jesus understands emotions, too. On earth he prayed with all his might that if there was another way he could avoid the cross. He wept at his friend Lazarus' tomb. He also recognized weariness and suggested he and the disciples go away to rest.

Stay Alert 

Emotions and thoughts work together. I've always liked the saying that you can't keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building nests there.

God gave us will power and I find it useful to keep my mind free of negative nests. Sometimes it's with scripture, other times a song. Sometimes it's with meditation and prayer, or reading a good book. But a choice is always to be made.

I've shared two things that add up to nothing. Life is a challenge. But nothing in it can ever separate us from God's love.

Living Life in Sync

LIVING LIFE in SYNC

Living life in sync means connecting with people in a timely and meaningful way. "Synchronize your watches," was a phrase in old movies. Men on a mission made sure their watches shared the same time, then off they went to accomplish their assignment.

If only synchronizing life events was a simple as synchronizing watches.

My recent experiences as a care giver caused me to think about the importance of synchronizing life in three basic areas:

At Home

We are a family of two. Upon his recent release from the hospital, my husband required constant care. I made a choice to be available. That meant my days and nights were synchronized with his needs.

What amazed me was all the things that had to be done beyond his care. It's funny how many times I thought of the old saying, "Man may work from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done."

Beyond personal care there were meals to prepare and dishes to do. I was grateful to have a washer and dryer. Having clean clothes and bedding was certainly made a lot easier.

Prior to illness, my husband had dealt with the trash, picked up the mail and paid the bills. I knew how to fill the car with gas, but had never taken it in for tire rotation. Our lives got in sync as I learned to do what needed to be done.

Outside the Home

Once again, circumstances have shown us the importance of living life in sync with others.


Physical ailments draw so much energy for recovery that there's not much left to build new relationships. That's why we were grateful for emails, texts and phone calls from family and friends saying, "We're praying for you." Or, "If there is anything we can do, let us know."

I wish I could list all the ways people have made our lives easier.

Thrift store shoppers found a cane for my husband just like the one in the hospital. They also found a like-new transfer bench for showers. Another friend made hospital gowns for ease of home care. A neighbor stops by for our trash on his way to the dumpster.

Inside the Heart

My husband and I try to share a devotional and prayer every day. Almost daily I remind myself that I need my evening rest---that the Lord's compassion and faithfulness will be renewed in the morning (Lamentations 3:22-23, NIV).

Prior to care giving challenges, I had a routine of Bible study and writing each morning. I was telling a friend yesterday that I have been unable to keep it up, but that I feel God's compassion, not condemnation. 

Perhaps that's because in the Lord's compassion He remembers that we are made of dust (Psalm 103:13-14, NIV).

There has never been a day without challenges but, in my experience, living life in sync makes it easier.