Caregiver's Choice

CAREGIVER’S CHOICE

I Don't Ignore the Alarm

I reach over sleepily to turn off the alarm. Time to face another day. As a caregiver I don’t know what to expect; each day opens with different needs.

Sitting on the side of the bed I pray a silent prayer for God’s new mercies, love and faithfulness as promised in Lamentations 3:22-24. Then I’m off to splash cold water on my face and take care of personal needs before checking on the person who needs me.

My husband is now under hospice care which has been a boon to me. It’s nice to have some support from professionals who can give guidance and answer questions. Today was a day when I needed extra support and I got it.

Choices Bring Changes

Being a caregiver includes loss of personal goals. It’s my choice to care for my husband but his life has become my life. I have friends who will come and sit with him to let me get a break now and then, but care giving is basically 24/7.

To recover from loss of any kind, we must first acknowledge our emotions. We can’t just “suck it up” and keep going because emotions don’t just disappear. They go undercover and come out incognito. For example, resentment may appear as anger and bitterness as lack of forgiveness.

When I was a caregiver for my father, I discovered some negative emotions in my usually calm approach to life. The most surprising thing was my anger. Second in line was my resentment.

Oh, sure, I had grown up with the verse “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13 NAS), but I had never been challenged to apply it personally.

Flying Birds Look Free

My father’s need for a caregiver changed that quite quickly. In the two-and-a-half-years that I cared for him, I refused to be a victim. But if I was to be a victor I had to face up to my emotions as well as my thoughts.

Now as a caregiver for my husband I’ve had less anger and resentment because I’ve faced these challenges before. I can tell I’ve grown some, but I’m not perfect yet. Below is a poem I wrote while reflecting on my life as Dad’s caregiver:

CAREGIVER’S CHOICE

Darlis Sailors

I walk up a hill and sit down on a rock

It’s fun to look down like a bird in the air

Who flies where it will in space wide and free

Out here it feels calm, no one to talk or turn up the TV

No one who needs me

I close my eyes and feel at peace

I need this time, I need this space

Up here I feel free, like a bird flying high

With no drag on my wings to stop my flight

I breathe in fresh air and let go of my stress

A break from life, now back I go

Down to the house that feels so small

Back to the one who needs me

I’ve made a choice---while there, I will freely serve

Challenges Come to Everyone

Caregivers have several challenges. Being aware of negative emotions and letting them go is one. Finding time to rest or regroup physically, mentally and spiritually are some others.

But friends and family have a challenge, too. How will you show appreciation to the caregiver closest to you?